Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Toyer Legacy Chapter 5: When life gets too tough...

WARNING This blog post is rated pg-13



Janette: I can't believe he cheated on me! *Does walk of shame*



Cab Driver: Where to?

Janette: You know where, home...

Cab Driver: *Dials in address* That'll be $3!



Janette: Uhmmm...I spent all my money on the last trip....

Cab Driver: No money no ride!

Janette: But-

Cab Driver: NO MONEY NO RIDE!



Meanwhile

WTF! Janette get home ASAP! This dude's a HORRIBLE baby sitter!

Take care of the f***ing baby you worthless piece of crap!



Grrrrrrr......D:<

Janette: *sigh*, I guess I'll walk home....






Babysitter: Crap I better put the baby in her crib and pretend I was actually doing my job until...



Janette: Why is my baby outside on the ground!!??



Babysitter: Well ma'am, you see...



Janette: Don't give me you're pity excuses you worthless piece of ****!



Janette: All I ask of you is to make sure that the ******* baby doesn't starve to death!



Janette: But you can't even do THAT!



Janette: NOW PUT MY BABY DOWN AND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!



Janette: Before I murder you're family and force you on a boat to Kenya where you'll have to work as a salt mine worker the rest of your miserable stupid life!



Janette: UNDERSTOOD!?



Babysitter: *Epic face*



Janette: There there my precious Merecedes, the mean man won't hurt you with me.

Obviously! You'll be lucky not to be getting a restraining order!



And so, the next few days were rather uneventful....




Thornton left rather early for work, Janette knew what he was doing and where he really was, with that ugly, bad taste in fashion, and makeup enthusiast Jamie. She wanted to do something, but she was terribly afraid of Thornton getting violent, and for her babies health, she kept content with her feelings.



She also did a few household chores such as...
Unclogging the toilet!

Janette: I hate toilets!



Cleaning the countertops!

Janette: I hate countertops!



And cleaning the sink!

Janette: I hate!-

WE GET IT!

Janette: *mutters*



It was also Merecedes' birthday! She'll now grow into the hell of a life stage otherwise known as the toddler stage! *Duh-duh-duhnnnn....*
Thornton also seems to be excited about this occasion....



Perhaps a bit too excited...



ZOMG she's cross eyed! D:

Mercede's inherited Janette's hair color and her face looks a good bit like her to! Maybe we have a clone in the works...



She may also be a musician in the works, since she automatically went for the xylophone.

Mercedes: I make moosic!

Awwww.....



Thornton left for "work" early again



So Janette started teaching Mercedes to speak...

Janette: Ok, now say mommy has pretty hair!

Mercedes: Mwommy has pwetty ha-hair!



Janette: Very good sweetie cake! I do have pretty hair!



Mercedes: But it cuh use som highwights....



Janette: You little twerp!



Another event that day was an opportunity....

Janette: Hello?

Woman: Can you bake me a plate of cookies? Pleeeeeease!!! I'll be your best friend!



Janette: LA-LA-LA can't hear you!



But the MAIN event of that day was none other than Janette's labor!

Janette: MUST. GET. TO. HOSPITAL!



Janette: WAIT! What about my little Mercedes! Thornton won't get off work for another hour!

Let's hope that this babysitter's a good one...



Oh dear, she looks like she got her clothes from a refugee camp!



Luckily Thornton got home from work soon.

Thornton: I hate children.

We might have been better off with Ms. Salvation Army!



Janette: Well here goes...



Meet Aston! His traits are Easily impressed, and YAY! EVIL!!! >:D



When Janette arrived home, Thornton took a liking to Aston, maybe he has a heart for kids after all!



Janette: Here you go sweetie! Enjoy!



Mercedes: No thwanks, it are carbs.

We have a Janette clone in the making!



Wasn't long before Thornton left home, this time at night...

Thornton: I have to take care of some business at the office, I'll be back soon...



Janette: Oh sure! Just leave in the late evening! There's nothing suspicious about that! I'm positive he's meeting with that ugly chick Jamie again!

How do you know?

Janette: I over heard their conversation last night! They said they need to spend more time with each other, I bet they'll be at the expensive restaurant, using OUR limited funds! Well NOT on my watch he isn't! I know! I'll follow him!



Janette: But NOT in this outfit!

>___<

Janette: Ahhh...that's better.



Janette: TO THE BISTRO!

This can't end well...



Janette: WE'RE HERE!

Cab driver: I know where we are lady...

Janette: Would you mind shutting up?



Janette: THERE THEY ARE!



Jannette: I'll hide behind here and...what is he saying!?



Thornton: I really love you Jamie, as soon as I get rid of that slut of a wife and her bratty children, we'll marry on the beach in the sunset...

Jamie: Oh Thornton...



*kisses passionately*



Janette: HE CALLED MY CHILDREN BRATTY AND ME...



Janette: A SLUT!!! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS THORNTON!!!



What the heck are you doing Janette!? They'll see you!

Janette: No they won't, they're too focused on each other fugly faces!



Sadly, she's right...





Janette: Ok where'd I put it!?

Put what?



Janette: Ahah!



You've kept a GUN inside your dresser this entire time!?

Janette: Well my dad gave it to me just in case I needed it...

YOU'RE GOING TO SHOOT THORNTON!?

Janette: Yes, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!



Janette: He should be arriving any moment now...



*door swings open*



Janette: Hello Thornton.



Thornton: *gasp* JANETTE!?



Janette: So where have you been tonight? It's 11 pm and you usually get home by at least 8...



Thornton: Uhmmmmm...well....you see....



Janette: LIAR!!! I KNOW where you've been! What you secretly have been doing behind my back!



Thornton: I have no idea what you're talking about Janette! Really!



Janette: Save it! I KNOW you've been cheating on me with Jamie! I KNOW you kissed her on the beach! I KNOW you went to dinner with her tonight!



Janette: And now, you'll pay!



Janette: For calling me a slut! For calling my children brats! And most of all!



Janette: For cheating on me!



Janette: Say your prayers Thornton Wolff!!!
*Play the video below before continuing*




Thornton: YOU IDIOT!!!!!



Thornton: You'll pay for this Janette!!!



...



Janette: What have I done!?



To be continued...

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